I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
