no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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