HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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