If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
