I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
