I hate your face
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
