it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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