All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
