he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
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