Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
