I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize