onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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