there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
zippers are such a cool invention
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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