Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
