Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
