Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
