Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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