She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize