What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize