The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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