But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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