I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
