he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
