It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
