ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
