Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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