You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now Iām flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
