I am full of burrito and curiosity
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
