and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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