I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
