OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
