FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
