just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
