dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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