My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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