she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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