My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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