he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
