if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
