The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
