gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
