I just saw a hot homeless man
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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