Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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