UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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