I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
