I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
