i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
