they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
