I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
