I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize