Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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