the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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