she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
