i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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