oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
