Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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