i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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