remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
where am i from again
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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