Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
