How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
