sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize