we're blogging at a bar
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
