holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
