Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize