haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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