9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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