apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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