I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
