I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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