Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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