He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
