I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
