sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
