My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize