Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize