Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
