Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
